Understanding Compulsive Sexual Behaviours
The concept of 'sex addiction' gained significant traction in the 1980s, largely driven by US-based treatment models.
However, the 'addiction' label has faced rigorous scrutiny. Critics argue it is often used as a convenient excuse for harmful behaviours or sexual offending. Today, many people find themselves confused by the term. If you feel your sexual impulses are difficult to manage, you may have adopted the label of 'addict', but it is vital to understand the clinical reality before beginning therapy.
The Shift from 'Addiction' to 'Compulsivity'
There are several key distinctions you should be aware of regarding your treatment:
A Lack of Clinical Recognition: 'Sex Addiction' is not a recognised mental health diagnosis in the DSM-5. This is because robust clinical research does not support the addiction model for sexual behaviour.
The ICD-11 Classification: The World Health Organization’s ICD-11 uses the term Compulsive Sexual Behaviour Disorder (CSBD). Crucially, it is classified as an Impulse Control Disorder, not an addiction.
Sexual Health vs. Pathology: Meeting the full diagnostic criteria for CSBD is actually quite rare. Most individuals struggling with these issues are not suffering from a chronic 'disorder' but are experiencing a significant sexual health behaviour problem that requires a specific type of support.
Common Signs of Compulsive Behaviour
While every individual's experience is unique, those struggling with out-of-control sexual behaviours often report:
Coping Mechanisms: Using sexual activity as the primary tool to numb unpleasant emotions like sadness, anger, or boredom.
Loss of Agency: Feeling unable to stop certain behaviours despite clear negative consequences.
Shame and Distress: Engaging in sexual acts that feel 'unwanted' or leave the individual feeling worthless or depressed.
Value Conflicts: Acting in ways that contradict personal integrity, such as compromising a valued relationship or marriage.
Impact on Others: The profound emotional and traumatic toll these behaviours can take on partners and loved ones.
My Therapeutic Approach
I provide a psycho-sexological and humanistic framework for treatment. Because human sexuality is a complex psychological and physiological system, I do not subscribe to the 'once an addict, always an addict' philosophy.
My work is sex-positive and non-shaming. I do not require 'sobriety contracts' or attendance at 12-step meetings (like SAA or SLAA). Instead, we work toward a sustainable, fulfilling lifestyle based on the six principles of sexual health: consent, non-exploitation, protection, honesty, shared values, and mutual pleasure.
How We Work Together
The treatment process is holistic and focuses on:
Understanding the 'Why': Exploring the roots of your sexual and relational landscape to see what purpose the compulsivity serves.
Developing Self-Soothe Tools: Finding healthier ways to manage stress, anxiety, and low mood.
Integrity Alignment: Identifying which sexual behaviours are genuinely wanted and which are 'unwanted' compulsions.
Trauma Recovery: Addressing any underlying trauma or psychosexual dysfunctions that may be driving the behaviour.
Problematic Pornography Use
Just as with 'sex addiction', there is no scientific evidence to support a 'porn addiction' diagnosis.
Please visit my FAQ page for common questions around porn use.
When Pornography Viewing Becomes a Problem
While pornography can be a functional part of an adult's life, it becomes problematic when it begins to dictate your choices or erode your quality of life. You may find that your relationship with porn has shifted if you recognise the following patterns:
Loss of Autonomy: You find yourself unable to reduce or stop viewing porn, even after making a firm decision to do so. You may spend increasing amounts of time online, often at the expense of communicating with those around you.
Persistent Cravings: You experience a physical or emotional "pull" to view content and feel increasingly irritable or restless when it isn't available. This often leads to "sneaking away" or becoming defensive when questioned about your time.
The "Time Warp" Effect: Large portions of your day vanish into viewing cycles, leaving you feeling lethargic and uninterested in previous hobbies or responsibilities.
Changes in Sexual Response: You may notice a declining interest in partnered sex or find it difficult to become aroused without specific, high-intensity digital stimulation. This can lead to feeling distant or unresponsive to a partner’s advances.
Unrealistic Expectations: Excessive viewing can skew your perception of beauty and sexual reality. You might find yourself becoming more demanding or frustrated in the bedroom, which can alienate a partner and damage their self-esteem.
Physical Strain: Over-use can manifest in physical symptoms, such as headaches, eye strain, or repetitive strain injuries in the wrists, neck, and back.
Financial Impact: A shift toward "premium" or paid content can lead to unexplained financial strain or a refusal to be transparent about your spending habits.
Preoccupation and Distraction: Your mind may drift toward pornographic imagery during work, social events, or quiet moments with family, making it difficult to remain present in your own life.
Emotional Volatility: When unable to access porn, you might find your patience wearing thin or find yourself lashing out at loved ones, who may feel you are no longer the person they once knew.
My Approach to Problematic Pornography Use
Rather than focusing on "quitting" through willpower alone, my treatment model explores the underlying triggers and helps you re-align your habits with your personal values.
This includes:
Neurobiological Insight: Understanding how your brain responds to high-dopamine stimuli and learning how to "reset" your reward pathways.
Emotional Regulation: Developing sophisticated tools to manage boredom, stress, or loneliness without retreating into digital content.
Relational Repair: Working to bridge the gap between you and your partner by fostering honest communication and realistic sexual intimacy.
Holistic Re-integration: Helping you move toward a "wanted" sexual landscape where porn (if used at all) occupies a healthy, non-destructive space.
The goal of this therapy is not to impose a moral standard, but to return the power of choice to you.